Warning: Rants likely for at least 5 paragraphs

Another way

2007-04-25T08:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I managed to go a whole fortnight before my commitment to regular postings went out the window, but in my defence I have had a busy week. Not only have I started rehearsals for the next play, but have been taking various courses at work including the test for my personal licence and going on various other trips.

Still, the delay in the post means I've decided to go for a double-whammy, giving personal info and also sharing my discomfort at an increase in xenophobia that seems to be either unnoticed or approved of.

To start then, the details of my new play are thus: First Love, by Victor Sobchak, inspired by Beckett. We'll be performing at the Lion & Unicorn Theatre, Gaisford Street, Kentish Town from 8th May - 24th May. We'll then be off to the Prague Theatre Festival for a week there. Further details can be found at the Act Provocateur website, linked above.

After that bit of shameless plugging I'd like (just quickly as I need to get to work) the crappy attitude that is becoming more and more prevalent. It's most noticeable on adverts such as the Direct Dial insurance piles of shite. Why, please, is a 'UK only call-centre' automatically virtuous? Answer: It's not, and the advert appeals to the latent xenophobia that so clearly exists in this poor, stupid country.

If it was an economic argument I'd almost understand, although unlike the beef or steel industries it is not environmentally better to have this industry close to home. Nor do I understand why it is better for someone in England to have a job rather than someone in Asia.

No, the sentiment is very clearly asking, "You don't really want to be calling an Indian with your problems, do you? No, it's better if it's a nice white person answers." This despite the fact that over here, our call-centre answerers are unmotivated, doing fill-in jobs until they can get a real one, while in India they are sought-after jobs filled by university graduates. And anyone who thinks that we can do the call-centre work better in this country should try calling their local LEA or local council.

Anyway work beckons.
Until next time...

What's the point?

2007-04-01T13:57:00.000-07:00

Protests in Tehran. What about? The sailors have already been arrested! What exactly do these fuck-wits want now?

Anyway, back to the UK. I managed to make a bit of a fool of myself last night by attempting to kiss a friend of mine who I've kind of fancied for a while. We've been flirting for a couple of years now and, since alcohol makes me amorous I decided that the iron was hot. It wasn't.

Fortunately, she's in a play which opens on Tuesday so I won't be seeing her at work and thus my embarrassment will have time to fade.

It's been a long week, including a couple of mornings on stage door, which pays well but means getting up in the morning. But I got to watch a few dvds including Day of the Dead. Nothing like the walking dead to freak you out when half asleep alone in a (supposedly haunted) theatre.

Happy April Fool's by the way.

-God bless those pagans

She had hair the colour of phoenix fire

2007-03-18T17:05:00.000-07:00

I've come up with a fairly loose editorial policy, as it seems to be the done thing. I've decided that my posts will come about once every two weeks (just because that seems to be how often I get the time to do more than comment on other people's). Also, I'll be going with a point of controversy and/or list of some sort, alternating with an update on the life of this particular big old geek.

So for this fortnight, I have a question. Billy and I were discussing this earlier and would like to ask if anyone can clarify something for us. I don't know, possibly one of you secretly works for a shampoo company. Anyway, you must all have seen the adverts for various cosmetic products touting the idea that if you use their product your hair will be 30% shinier.

OK. If that's the case, then shininess is quantifiable. What, then, is 100% shiny? Is it when looking at your hair damages your retina, as when you look at the sun? And if your hair has 0% shine, does it suck the light from the universe like a black hole growing from your head? Answers on a postcard, please.

By the way, I'd just like to take this opportunity to express my relief that Wales were able to win at least one game in the Six Nations this year. And if you're going to win only one Six Nations match, it's obviously best for that to the the England game.

-Gangs of tough, sinewy youths roam the countryside terrifying people with their close-harmony singing.

Going around and coming around

2007-03-02T16:36:00.000-08:00

I was at the Phoenix Artists' Club last night (or, as everyone except the manager calls it, Shuttleworths) and noticed a ten pond note on the floor by the bar. I picked it up and asked the customers next to me and my friend whether it was theirs. They said no, so after a moment of consideration - do I keep the tenner, given my relative poverty - I handed it to the barman, feeling generally good about my moral health. And in a piece of instant karma, the barman gave me the two pints on the house.

So everyone wins. Except whoever lost the tenner in the first place...

I'm holding out for an Olivier anyway

2007-02-04T17:06:00.000-08:00

Some interesting stuff in today’s Observer, notably Mark Kermode’s take on the latest British offerings to make it into the Oscar nominations. And I thought I’d take up his challenge to identify my five top British films and check how many Oscars they got between them.

More difficult than it sounds in that I’m never entirely sure what constitutes a British film: Is it the cast? The director? The funding? Where it was set or filmed? Does Batman Begins count as a British film, given that it has a largely British cast and crew, and was largely filmed in London but has American money behind it?

Anyway, I’m listing the top five that my first instincts tell me are British, and feel free to disagree or rip my assumptions to shred. Incidentally, I'm not putting these in order of preference; that will vary depending on my mood at any given moment...

1 - Perhaps predicatably, given what I said above, I'm plumping for Batman Begins. 1 Oscar nomination.

2 - The Devils, directed by Ken Russell.

3 - The Italian Job, directed by Peter Collinson.

4 - The Three Musketeers, directed by Richard Lester.

5 - Alfie, directed by Lewis Gilbert. 5 Oscar nominations.

And just in case there's a rush of people who take issue with Batman's validity, I have to include Nuns on the Run, directed by Jonothan Lynn.

Actually in the course of putting this blog up I've run accross a number of others that probably deserve to be here, some by Hammer, some by the Pythons, but I'll await any contributions from the blog world. But check out the list above: Mark's right, if you want Oscars you're probably better off being stereo-tpyical than gritty or funny.

Money, money, money

2007-01-29T15:22:00.000-08:00

Is there any feeling worse than going to get some cash from the hole in the wall (there's a phrase I haven't heard from the while) and finding you don't have available funds?

Yes, but the story alluded to by Llewtrah in my last post's comments won't be told here as I'm still feeling far too ashamed.

In the meantime, I reflect that a great many inspirational figures have the same tendency as myself; namely, I find that when I have money I'm wont to spend it freely, oftentimes on my friends. But then I find myself absolutely brassic, and borrowing from those same friends. Not to mention my seeming inability to save enough to afford new head-shots / a stage combat course / time off work to do some Fringe... Take your pick from any number of options.

As I understand it, Marx, Kropotkin and others were just like me in this respect. Unfortunately, I also can't help but think that there are countless others in a similar position who aren't remembered like the above, or were ever successful at all.

Still, for the immediate future, I'll have some more money to lose on Thursday. And thanks to Billy for the tenner he's lent me in the meantime.

-Sometimes I feel like a pelican. Everywhere I turn there's an enormous bill in front of me.

Back once again

2007-01-13T18:39:00.000-08:00

First post since the holidays finished. It's been a while, and since the last one I've survived two colds and the (mercifully brief) loss of my voice. It's interesting how many people think you're making some kind of joke when you tell them (whispering, obviously) that you've lost your voice. What sort of joke would that be, I ask? The beginning of a bizarre practical joke aimed at a complete stranger? I may have a somewhat twisted sense of humour, but I'm also far too lazy to come up with something like that.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Year. Since not too much else of note has happened since (barring Director Friend's stag night last night which was very much a standard night out, just with a meal at the front) I shall now list a few of my Christmas presents. I hope everyone else liked theirs.

- Angel Srs. 5 and Amistad on DVD, both of which I'd requested and so was very happy to have recieved, though I haven't gotten around to watching Amistad yet.

- Slippers and dressing gown. Fortunately I already own a pipe, but annoyingly, I don't smoke it.

- Homer Simpson socks. And Homer Simpson slippers from my sister. I'm guessing she and my mum didn't consult on the slipper front. And I've received a pair of slippers from my parents before...

- Whisky liqueurs. No-one else here seems to like them, but I think they're very nice.

- Money. Always very useful. Some of it will shortly be spent on some new trainers. Currently I only have my boots and my work shoes. And three pairs of slippers.

Until next time,

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." - Homer, as quoted on my new socks.

Snooker, Love Song and Rugby!

2006-12-17T14:09:00.000-08:00

"Gravity took over." John Virgo, as wise as ever.

There's something very comforting about having the snooker on in the background. It doesn't require too much attention, but every now and then the commentators say something that makes you glance up and consider the strange world some of us live in. Also, doesn't Peter Ebdon look a bit psychotic?

I've been working like a badger for the past couple of weeks, lacking a Fortune manager. We've had cover managers helping out, doing more than their fair share of hours in the process, but some of them hadn't worked in our theatre before, so it's been plenty of extra responsibility for yours truly. In the meantime, I did an extra shift at the New Ambassadors where they're showing Love Song. So I present to you my thoughts on this new show.

First off, I like what John Kolvenbach's writing is aspiring to. And some of the time he succeeds. I'll admit to having been slightly thrown by the marketing. It's advertised as a new romantic comedy, and it just isn't. It's got plenty of funny moments, certainly, but it's also got bits of darker stuff and a fairly lengthy section of writing that seems to be trying to emulate the kind of thing that was en vogue ten years ago.

It's trying hard to say something meaningful and profound, and I like that it's reaching that way. But, unfortunately, its reach exceeds its grasp.

The direction is great, and enlivens and elucidates the drabber parts of the play, helped by a simple, elegant set design. (By the way, I want the kitchen they've got on stage there. So much room for prep.)

As for the actors, I saw Kristen Johnston's replacement, as Johnston's indisposed until, I hear, January. Her replacement was excellent, sparking off Michael McKean who was also impressive, taking a somewhat depthless character and fleshing it out while demonstrating some flawless comic timing. Cillian Murphy was unfailingly convincing, though there was no point where you couldn't see what was coming next for him. Unfortunately, Neve Campbell let the side down. There wasn't anything original for her character to say, and she clearly hadn't found anything to make up for that. As a result I was distracted by her affected pattern of speech and spent the time during her scenes waiting for the other actors to get back in there.

Anyway, that's my farthing's worth for that one. Knowing me, I probably won't get around to blogging until I get back home. So in case other things distract me before the big day, Merry Xmas everyone!

-By the way I'd be remiss if I didn't point out yesterday's result: Scarlets stun Toulouse!

Dressing up

2006-11-26T18:27:00.000-08:00

With Billy south of the equator, Other Housemate and I are bereft of some of the stranger conversations that usually occur here in out little corner of West London. Filling these gaps has, inevitably involved some extra drinking and I naturally assumed this was the cause when I was asked earlier, "Do you think Captain Janeway is a bit smug?"

I am an unashamed geek, having forgotten more about Doctor Who that most will ever know, owning every Buffy episode, countless Batman comics etc. etc. Turns out that Other Housemate has been recieving some coaching so that she can act like she knows what the hell I'm talking about when I talk about such things.

I'm not really a Trekkie, I protested. She looked understandably sceptical. Really, I said, I've never dressed up as a Klingon or anything.

She condsidered this for a moment before asking whether it would be in my top ten things to dress up as. And, I'm shocked to say, I really didn't know. So I've given it some thought and now present a list (ideal-world, budget-no-issue kind) of my top dressing up choices for your perusal:

- Dalek. Not dressing up so much as crouching down, it still has to make the list for sheer iconic value.

- Britney Spears. While I'm not much of a singer I have pulled off a passable Britney impression before. Works better when I'm clean-shaven.

- The Borg. Without having the real thing, Star Trek costumes always look crappy, but if I had the real stuff, the Borg are very cool, and I don't really have the build to be a Klingon.

- Frank N Furter. Any opportunity to put on fishnets with suspenders.

- Nightwing. Once again, I don't have the build to be Batman, but with a good enough costume I'm pretty sure I could pull off Nightwing.

- Legolas. I should have been in that movie. But that's a longer rant than I can be bothered with just now.

- Vampire. My most common choice on Hallowe'en.

Ok, I can't think of more now, but I'm sure, given time, I could choose something from Star Wars. I've decided (arbitrarily) to limit this to one choice per show/film.

"UNIT is supposed to be a security organisation, Doctor."
"You think I might attract attention?"
"It's just possible."

Flash. Flash.

2006-11-06T16:26:00.000-08:00

I don't drive in London if I can avoid it. So I don't really notice things like speed cameras. I'm sure I must have seen the one on the Uxbridge road before, but I never really paid any attention until tonight when it went off.

Thing is, it was taking a picture of a police car which was speeding away. I quite enjoy the irony that no-one ever speeds enough to set off that camera except the ones who get away with it anyway.

Further to Billy's recent mushroom related post, I was talking to some friends last night about magic mushrooms. One of my friends was remarking about the different kinds she'd tried; Mexican, or somewhere near El Salvador and places like that. Back home everyone just headed into the woods with a little mushroom reference book and got them free. But also local. Seems to me, in these times, it's much better to drop low-carbon shrooms rather than go for the exotica.

-You can't learn 'im to talk nice, can ya?

Cold-blooded basking creatures

2006-10-29T09:21:00.000-08:00

I'm very much enjoying Bill Bailey saving adders next to the A74. I have a strange feeling that he's attempting to emulate Tony Robinson in moving into more'serious' broadcasting, but having watched Llewtrah's DVD, I know that it could be an extension of his shed fixation.

Went to the Slimelight last night, which I barely remember so it was prabably good. Though I awoke today (relishing the extra hour) with black nails, which I remember painting, and cuts on one of my wrists. I don't remember how that happened at all, so I'm left just hoping that I'm not developing suicidal tendencies in my drunken stupors.

While I'm here I should also take a moment to praise Supernatural which I've been watching recently. Often by myself at about 4 in the morning which has frequently creeped the shit out of me.

And finally, everyone should be aware that there's an environmental rally outside the US Embassy in Grovesner Square (round the back of Marble Arch) this coming Saturday. For more info, have a look here. Seems to me it could be a blog-meet in a very good cause. Maybe see people there?

-The best thing would be to kill me, like the other.
-Like what other?
-Like billions of others.

Blogging my shame for the world

2006-10-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

I have today, within the past two hours, found myself agreeing with such figures of hate and revulsion as: Tony Blair, Gary Bushell and David Mellor.

By all the gods, what has happened to me?

I'm trying to console myself with the fact that I at least made to vomit blood when confronted by Nick Griffin.

Nobody comes, nobody goes. It's awful.

2006-10-09T18:07:00.000-07:00

-Let's go.

-We can't.

-Why not?

-We're waiting for Godot.

..Which I saw at the New Ambassadors last Thursday. My quick verdict: Very good. Not perfect, but I have extremely high standards when it comes to Beckett productions. Some of the guys at work were shocked when I stated that there is Shakespeare and then there's Beckett and no-one else is quite in the same league.

(I should mention, by way of qualification, that not only does this not mean that there is not awesome work by others out there, but, in fact, my favourite play isn't by Shakespeare or Beckett. I just think that, in terms of both style and ideas, Beckett and Shakespeare are the most consistently excellent.)

Didi and Gogo were both fabulous, playing at a faster pace than I would have chosen, but the resulting pith made up for the audience missing some of the jokes. It's always a difficult balance to strike with Beckett, and I don't begrudge them making a different choice to my own preference. I was a little less pleased by Pozzo and Lucky - once again, because of the direction, rather than anything the actors did badly. Pozzo could have been a little more superior, while Lucky gave a striking physical performance, but never one that spoke to me of exhaustion, nor of carrying the world on his shoulders.

Lucky's speech (particularly dear to me) was technically very impressive, funny, and it clearly amused the audience, but there was none of the urgency that the speech needs. The thoughts should be tripping over themselves on their way out; a continuous stream that has become rapids by the end. The speech contains three core ideas and these weren't put across to the audience inany way that they could have possibly understood without studying the play first. As I say, I think this must be laid at the door of Peter Hall (never let it be said that I won't tell truth to, or at least about, authority) rather than the actor, who did what was asked of him with aplomb.

Review over for the moment, I'd like to add my voice to the idea of a larger blog get-together. It's very intriguing to put faces to personalities, though it can be difficult to make the initial identification.

Unless you are, in fact, a cartoon dog like Billy.

-- Can somebody tell me what kind of a town we live in, where a man dressed up as a bat gets all of my press?! This town needs an enema!

He's changed man. But not too much.

2006-09-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

While I've been pootling around the interweb searching for extra-strong boot laces and stuff, Through The Keyhole was on the telly. (For those who don't know, or who have repressed, celebreties are shown other celebreties' houses and have to guess... You get the idea.) It is, of course, presented by Sir David Frost.

What struck me was that, yesterday I saw Frost-Nixon at the Donmar Warehouse, and it reminded me that Frost was not always the comfortable, daytime TV slightly muted personality that we see today.

When my dad talks about Frost he refers to The Day Today. What I'd completely forgotten was that he also got The Definitive Interview with Richard Nixon, making television history.

When people look back on the career of our Frost, I can't help feeling that they will consider Through the Keyhole to be something of an anti-climax.

But, in the meantime, if you can get to see it, Frost-Nixon is well worth seeing, with Frank Langella (who most will now know as Perry White, but I'll always think of as Skeletor) as Nixon and Michael Sheen *sigh* as Frost.

By all the Gods!

2006-09-21T19:14:00.000-07:00

I just typed up a whole blog, and Blogger went weird and ate it. I hate whem that happens. Nevertheless, true soldier that I am I shall do it again. It won't be exactly the same, but I shall get the gist of it down, hopefully. I believe I started with some hyperboly by crying,

ODIN'S BEARD! I hadn't meant to leave it nearly three weeks before blogging. Life's minutiae really will get in the way of everything if you let it. And it has been minutiae. Only a few things of merit since I got back from Scotland and recovered from festival whiplash. Chief among them:

- Sullen co-worker quit, making my life a lot easier.
- Got very drunk at a friend's birthdaytwo weeks ago, got alcohol poisoning and had to take the next day off work, resulting in a serious telling off.
- Went to the Slimelight on Saturday and didn't have to be carried out, which is a first.

As for the future, my main causes for happiness are two impending visits back to Clevedon. On 30th my dad and I are off to see the Scarlets v Harlequins in Llanelli. On 24th, I'm just visiting home to see family and friends. First time seeing my family all together in what feels like a very long time, but is really only about two months. I shall also see Good Friend Who Is A Director [Billy and I must come up with better names for our mutual friends] for the first time since he announced his engagement. Since getting engaged there has been a marked decrease in double- (and single-) entendres. I don't know that I approve of this new piety.

My other happy thought is the short film I intend to direct over the course of the next couple of months. It'll be based on a poem by Charled Bukowski called The Idiot. If anyone happens to have that text I'd be very grateful, as the volume of poetry in which it's contained (Last Night of the Earth Poems) costs £15 and I don't want to pay that when I'm only after the one poem. I did try photographing the relevant pages but the camera in my phone isn't up to the task.

Other Housemate's Ex pointed out that Bukowski himself would probably approve if I were to simply steal the book. Deputy Boss suggested that I work better when not in prison. Though I don't know; I've never tried working in a prison, maybe my work would be better. And I've always felt I'm letting the side down in never having been arrested.

Until next time...

-I accept nothing from a man who imprisons his guests in a commode.

I turn around for a minute and...

2006-09-21T18:48:00.000-07:00

Well, it turns out that this blog appeared in the end. However, I originally thought it had been lost forever and so re-typed it under the heading of By All The Gods, which you can see above. I don't trust technology, although it does allow me to do things like edit this at a later date and confuse everyone...

Back from Scotland and still suffering a little

2006-09-03T15:45:00.000-07:00

So, back in London.

I've had two nights since being back without drinking. I think it's been good for me, has that. And I thought, since I'm sober and back in London I'd post about the last month. There was rather a lot of it, so I'm afraid it's just the highlights.

First off, it should always be remembered that to find jewels at Edinburgh you have a see a fair bit of shite. And, the line-up this year, it must be said, was not all that inspiring. However, I can recommend without hesitation that anyone who geets the opportunity should go and see Dusty Limits in his cabaret act or the Freaks in a Box in whatever it is they describe their show as. The latter had me laughing so hard it physically hurt.

My Name is Rachel Corrie should also be seen by as many people as possible. On the off chance the production doesn;t have enough superlatives already, it was simply devastating. I was sitting there in tears by the end, and that has only happened one other time in a decade of working in theatre.

Beyond that, this festival was not perfect. For one thing, despite the hopes described in my last post, it turned out that the Scotsman had taken against our company before seeing our shows. Not a mention of the acting or production for Crime and Punishment. They criticised our gall in attempting to adapt it at all, which I suppose is a valid opinion, but it was very clearly a decision made before seeing the show. The report was similar regarding the other shows we had their. I think they considered us guilty of hubris for attempting so much. Valid, again, but I expected better journalism of Scotland's national newspaper than to send out reporters with minds made up in advance. And, in more than one instance, reporters who printed inaccuracies which also speaks of a lack of professionalism.

The verdict was far, far better from audiences, including the lovely Hannah who is as charming in life as she is online. There is something about the festival that somehow brings all of the good stuff to the fore and all the crap fades into the background. After an awful lot of problems with C Venues, who I shall not be working with again, quite a few of us have said we probably won't be back next year. But the festival's like that. Someone will make an offer in February and the glow of the festival will mean that I'll probably wind up saying yes.

And, happy birthday to Billy, who's actual birthday I missed due to festival shenanigans.

Off and running

2006-08-05T09:07:00.000-07:00

So we've been here nearly a week now. All the get-ins and techs are done, and as of last night all out shows are open! You'll all have to just imagine the relief of no longer having to run around like blue-arsed flies between venues or walk miles into Leith to buy a coffee table, or any of the other daft things we do in the run up to the opening.

Everyone's more or less settled and happy. I'm sharing a bed with one of my fellow cast members, but this is vast improvement on the past two years. Air matress horrors. I would say more but the world is not yet ready.

In fact, cast-mate and I kind of pulled rank to get the one of the best rooms. We felt a little guilty, but we both agree that we've paid our dues. No more horrors for us. Except that he sets his alarm to go off an hour before mine, and more than once I've rolled over him to hit his alarm before I realise that it isn't mine. That certainly woke him up. I tend to go back to sleep afterward.

Got our first reviews today in Three Weeks. Nice review for American Football, though it only got 3 stars. Not a good review for The Seagull, but, somewhat surprisingly it also got 3 stars. Seagull's review was fair, considering the reviewer came on the first morning which was, we all agree, shit. Since then they've improved each morning, so hopefully we'll get some more press in and I'm confident that we can expect more from those reviews. Tonight, for Crime and Punishment, we have both Three Weeks and (gulp) The Scotsman. So we'd better give a fucking great performance. Please, if you read this in time, keep your fingers crossed. A good Scotsman review can make a show up here, but they're famously more demanding than the others...

Goodbye, Picadilly; Farewell, Leicester Square

2006-07-30T18:07:00.000-07:00

So I'm leaving the good city of London for a whole month. This will be my third Edinburgh Festival running. One might question why I spend so much time on the Fringe, in answer to which I would say this: Stuff on the Fringe is generally more interesting in terms of ambition; after this year's fest, hopefully I'll start getting some paid work; the festival is an experience like no other. By the end of last year we were all exhausted, but, upon arrival back in the Big Smoke, we all, without exception, wanted to go back.

Anyway, thanks to all those who've wished me well for the month ahead, and if any of you (who I haven't already bugged you about) happen to be in the area during August, my shows run as follows:

The Seagull by Chekhov: 11.00, C Main, Chambers Street
Crime & Punishment by Dostoyevsky: 23.15, C Central, North Bridge.

As you may observe from those times, these will be long days. I shall have to limit my drinking to a meagre three hours a night. Also, I won't have regular internet access, so I won't be able to blog very much while up there, but I'll do my best to check in.

Cheers!
Corin
-Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

A note of controversy

2006-07-20T17:29:00.000-07:00

I've been reading in several papers lately (especially in 'Letters to the Editor') about different views of muslim women wearing the burqa. A few worries about how ubiquitous is the sight here in London.

Not having much better to do on the bus I've been thinking about this, and here are my thoughts:

I have no problem at all with people wearing any kind of clothing in public, although I'd usually frown upon something displaying expletives in large letters (not because I'm at all offended by swearing, but I'm aware that other people are).

However, the covering of the face disturbs me somewhat. It would seem to me that there are three reasons for hiding one's face, and all of them are based upon fear. In no particular order these reasons are:

a) You are up to no good, and are afraid of getting caught. It is for this reason that you aren't allowed to wear crash-helmets in banks.

b) Your family/friends/immediate society demands it and you are afraid of their reaction. This is the reason that has prompted most of the pieces I've seen in the press, though most muslim women I know would say that such familial or societal insistence is pretty rare.

c) You are afraid that revealing your face will invite violence, almost certainly sexual violence. To me this indicates i) you have a stunningly high opinion of your own appearance, or ii) you have the view that men in general cannot control themselves when in the company of an attractive woman. As a man, I find the latter point of view to be extremely offensive.

d) You wear this outfit because you are afraid to displease God. This final point seems to me to be completely understandable. I wouldn't want to displease any god sadistic enough to wish his people to wear head-to-toe black in 35 degree temperatures.

So those are my thoughts. If I'm correct in the above assertions it would seem to me that the full burqa is unnecesary and inappropriate (barring the final one, but as an atheist I can't really relate). To be clear, I maintain that anyone can wear whatever they choose, but, as with the expletives, the rest of us don't have to approve of that choice.

Am I looking at this wrong? Comments appreciated.

I've decided on my mutant power

2006-07-09T14:14:00.000-07:00

Just saw X-men 3. Overall I enjoyed it: although it lacked the lightness of touch of the Singer movies it still packed quite a punch, and I did enjoy a few of Wolverine's scenes in particular. (For those who've seen it, I very much liked the fight with the guy who could re-grow his arms...) Surprising body count as well.

However, the film was marred for me slightly by the absolute fuck-wits in the cinema with me. What sort of pond-scum, what being whose IQ actually heads bravely into negative numbers, what waste of human potential thinks it a good idea to make a couple of phone calls while watching a movie? Why did the parent of the small child not prevent it sending those text messages? Why bring your girlfriend to the movie if you're going to have to spend the whole time explaining it to her, and not even think to whisper while you're about it?

Working front of house in a theatre as I do, I can say that it is the job of any usher in the West End to tell people to turn off their phone or keep quiet, and if a person consistently refuses to do so they'll be removed. Can someone explain to me why this doesn't happen in cinemas?

If I was a mutant my ability would be to transport any such people to a small island, but not a nice one like Lost. Maybe somewhere in the Outer Hebrides, or a large iceberg off the coast of Greenland.

-You're going to that special hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk in the theatre.

The most frightening thing I can thing of

2006-06-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

At work yesterday, my friend (and frequently saviour-of-sanity) gave me a copy of the Independent. Within, I found the most lucid expression of fears and anxieties I've been harbouring for some time.

Please, please, please read this article. You can find it at:

http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/politics/article1129827.ece

And then, if you happen to be in the London area on Sunday afternoon, maybe join me in Parliament Square where I shall be having some tea, perhaps wearing a costume (fortunately, as an actor, I have several handy), and not protesting in any way.

I shall probably blog again a bit later on and lay out my own thoughts on the subject, but until then please read Henry Porter's account, which is expressed far better than I can probably manage.

So very tired

2006-06-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

It occurs to me, as I think I've mentioned previously, that acting at the Lion & Unicorn pub/theatre is not doing wonders for my general state. Crime & Punishment is now finished with until we hit Edinburgh this August.

On the other hand, I've had a break from the alcohol thing over the past day or two. This is a good thing, but the post-hangover hangover meant I didn't sleep at all well last night, and I had to be up early anyway for workaday job.

And tomorrow, there's the first get-on-your-feet rehearsal for the Seagul (performances 11-16 July). So once again, I'm not going to get much sleep: Travel from West London to North London on up to four buses takes some time.

Given that, I never go home between rehearsal and workaday job, and by the time I get home at night there's no time to cook, which I enjoy. Just for the hell of it, below is my signature dish. Not too complex, but pretty nice.

Bright sides: Workaday job allows me plenty of time to learn lines. I went to the pub tonight and didn't drink (apart from lemonade). And in Edinburgh one of my friends will probably cook some of his curries which are the best I've ever had. So things aren't too bad.

Vegetable risotto (experiment with amounts to taste):
Chop up some peppers, spring onions, onion, mushrooms, garlic. Prepare about three quarters of a pint of vegetable stock (I always use Oxo, but I imagine others would do). Open a tin of chopped tomatoes.

Fry the onion and garlic in vegetable oil, and add a shallow plateful of white rice. Add the chopped tomatoes. Add the other vegetables. Add the stock. Simmer for about twenty minutes, stirring occasionally. Add some frozen peas and sweetcorn, mixed herbs, black pepper. Simmer for a further five to ten minutes. Eat.

I think that's more or less it.

Celebrity guests

2006-06-16T09:53:00.000-07:00

Paul O'Grady is currently chatting to Bruce Forsythe. Am I alone in finding him annoying? Bruce, that is, not Paul. I understand that when Bruce did a show recently in the States no-one there knew what to make of him at all. It occurs to me that if he wasn't already established on this side of the pond and appeared 'new' to us today, we wouldn't know what he was about either.

While I'm on the subject, too, Ann Widdecombe was on Countdown recently. For those who don't know, Countdown is a popular game show involving anagrams and such, and Ann Widdecombe is a firghteningly right wing former shadow Home Secretary.

I don't really have any objection to Ann as a person, and she's entitled to her beliefs, misguided though I say they are. But I don't want to be subjected to an illiberal polemic while watching tea-time telly. If that was something I wanted I'd buy the Daily Mail.

In other news, I'm really becoming aware of the dangers of continuing to do shows at the Lion & Unicorn Theatre, which is above the Lion & Unicorn pub. Not a day has gone by without a hangover. I think it's probably a good thing that it's only been a two week run. I'm getting too old for the life of 'functioning alcoholic'. At some point I've got to stop the alcoholism or stop functioning.

-Ah, beer. My one weakness.
and, because it was on last night,
-Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually!

Love..!

2006-06-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

To re-assure anyone who read my drunken blog last night, the conversation didn't include specifics, so no-one who hasn't read my (now deleted) blog will be any the wiser. And it's better that way. I'm pretty sure. Anyone who didn't read it in the ten hours it was up, bad luck, my drunken self-indulgent ramblings are gone. Until next time...

A lesson in audience psychology?

2006-06-12T17:56:00.000-07:00

I've never been a big fan of Big Brother. I watched the first series. When I think of the stuff I was doing then it seems a very long time ago. Anyway, I've been looking through other people's blogs here and merrily posting away, and I've randomly got Big Brother on in the background.

It's quarter to two in the morning, so BB is mainly shots of someone I don't know in bed. The strange thing is, you can hear things going on off-screen, but they never cut to the action. All we can see is someone in bed.

So my question is this? Is this a deliberate ploy by the producers to keep us watching: Do we think to ourselves, any minute now they'll cut to what we can hear and it'll be really exciting! And all the while the producers know that if ever they do cut to something else we'll realise that it is, in fact, the purest mundanity and switch to News 24 instead?

Answers on a postcard please.

Not really. Much easier to just leave a comment.

-Book 'em, Lou. One count of being a bear. And one count of accessory to being a bear.
Chief Wiggam

Tubing it up

2006-06-10T18:13:00.000-07:00

Having had dinner with my parents, who came up to London in order to see my show, I was struck by a need to blog the following: First, the Malaysian restaurant, Bintang, on the Kentish Town Road was excellent and deserves a little free advertising. Second, it's been nearly a year since the London bombings and I wanted to make the following clear. I have continued to use the tube with no trepidation at all vis a vis terrorism, but there is always a degree of anxiousness when I consider my bank balance. I feel that if I had more money I would be in a much better position to demonstrate my disdain of terror tactics. My disdain of capitalism is pretty much self-evident.

Glorious days to sleep through

2006-06-08T05:39:00.000-07:00

It's a beautiful day in sunny London, and I crawled out of bed only an hour ago. My show opened the day before yesterday, so I don't have to get up at frightening times in the morning for rehearsal.

Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your point of view, my theatre is located above a pub, so never an evening goes by without an amount of drinking going on. Hence my late start today. Hangovers. I suppose they remind you you're alive.

It has been a long few weeks with random happenings on my journeys home. For example, last night I was called upon to help a damsel in distress. True, she was not tied to train tracks so much as she'd run out of petrol, but I still felt pretty good about myself for lending a hand.

Sitting here, typing, I also have the TV on, and feel compelled to declare my undying love for Alex Lovell, presenter of Brainteaser on Channel Five. She's so unfailingly cheerful, and positive, and I would swear that she's sincere in her desire to have me call the programme. Occasionally there's a panic in her eyes that makes me want to protect her from the world.

Anyway, that's about it for today, except for a bit of shameless self-promotion. Anyone in the North London area in the next couple of weeks, please come to see Crime and Punishment (in a double-bill with Ghelderode's Women at the Tomb) at the Lion & Unicorn Theatre, Kentish Town. Tue-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 7pm; Sun, 6pm. No show on Mondays. For more details check the Act Provocateur link on the right.

-How do you feel about eternal life?
-We couldn't just start with a coffee?

Warning: Rants likely for at least 5 paragraphs

2006-05-23T18:33:00.000-07:00

The fuss over the da Vinci code seems to have overshadowed the fact that the Mona Lisa is involved in a much older, much more important conspiracy. There was a plot to prevent the formation of all life on Earth using money from the black market sale of that masterpiece and six others just like it painted by Leonardo himself. If anyone can tell me how that was and/or how it was prevented they win a prize... There's a (admittedly somewhat obscure[?] clue beneath.)

-Duggan! What are you doing?! That's a Louis XIV!
-But you're not just going to-
-Just behave like a civilised guest. Now, Herman, if you'd be good enough to show us to our cellar...

Yesterday's birthday insanity

2006-05-13T17:23:00.000-07:00

Thanks one and all for the birthday wishes. In answer to the question of my current physical state, no I don't have to take food through a tube, but perhaps soon, as liver failure can't be too far in the future...

Lloyds TSB

2006-04-28T17:37:00.000-07:00

I've had some disageements with this bank in the past (one of which led to me yelling down the phone at the idiot on the other end) but they've just helped me avert a crisis by transferring funds at 1 o' clock in the morning over the 'phone. So I say, Lloyds TSB is grand!

By the way, if anyone else wants to avert crises for a struggling (but [according to the Camden New Journal] fantastic) actor, cheques can be made payable to Corin Rhys Jones and care or the Fortune Theatre, Russell Street, Covent Garden, WC2.

Seriously...

-You have a woman's purse, my lord!

You remind me of the babe

2006-04-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

What babe?
-The babe with the power
What power?
-Power of voodoo
Voodoo?
-You do
Do what?
-Remind me of the babe.

I was watching series three of 24 last night. Surely no viewing should be that compulsive. I'm an intelligent human being (though I often think that might be an contradiction in terms) so I see just how ludicrous it all is, but I jumped out of my seat at least twice already. And I've only seen the first four 'hours'.

There is some really good stuff out there. If only it was on terrestrial. Even quizmania's moved to itv2.

Also, following a conversation with a friend the other night I've got to respond to a few editorials about the threat from the BNP in the upcoming elections. More than one commentator has said, "but, of course, you can't blame the voters, because they do have legitimate concerns and are neglected by mainstream parties."

What bollocks. I've seldom heard such a massive pile of shit.

I've got legitimate concerns. I've been ignored by the government (both as a lobbyist and alongside a million others on the streets of London).

However, despite all that, I haven't thought to myself, 'OK, the answer is to vote for a racist party who'll kick out the foreigners'. People have to take responsibility for their own vote. That's what democracy's about.

And if you vote for the BNP I'll call you racist, just like those people who say, "I've got black friends, but these bloody immigrants..."

To summarise - want a protest vote? Fine. Try the Green Party.

Nero, The Seagull and Crime and Punishment

2006-04-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

What do all these have in common? Me! Crazy for a challenge as always, I've agreed to go to Edinburgh with three shows. I will, of course, be knucking fackered but that's ok. I've wanted to play Raskolnikov since reading the book (at the urging of the beautiful Catherine Eyers) and Constantine is another great part. And to think I once dissed Chekhov as boring. This was before I met Victor Sobchak.

And in Nero I get to wear a huge amount of make-up and act like a... Maybe won't go very much further; Mum might read this. Anyone who wishes to find out more can see us at the Lion and Unicorn Theatre, Kentish Town until Sunday, and then at C Venues at the Edinburgh Festival. All Month. Am I crazy?

They may be drinkers, Robin, but they're still human

2006-04-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

Pearls of Wisdom from the Batman.

It occurs to me that a man dressed up in a bat-costume (which, by the way has never really looked that bat-like to me) has little room to criticise the coping skills of others.

Having said that, Batman still rules all. I should have been in Batman Begins. I nearly sent my CV off to the casting director, but then they were asking for authentinc American accents only. Mine is excellent, but I wasn't sure at the time. My fault. Ah, well, next time. I'd rather be in Doctor Who anyway.

-Where can we get these placebos?
-Maybe there's some in that truck!

Warning: Rants likely for at least 5 paragraphs

2006-04-06T17:19:00.000-07:00

Warning: Rants likely for at least 5 paragraphs

OK, not rants proper just yet, except to say this: WHEN YOU GO TO THE THEATRE, LISTEN TO THE SODDING USHER. tHEY ARFE TELLING YOU THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW, LIKE WHERE YOUR SEAT IS. LISTEN AND THEN YOU WON'T MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF GOING UPSTAIRS WHEN YOU WERE EXPRESSLY TOLD THAT YOUR SEAT, THE BAR AND THE TOILETS ARE ALL DOWNSTAIRS! WHY IS THAT SO BLOODY DIFFICULT?
Feels good to get that off my chest.

Next, here's transcripts of my emails to my parents who are on holiday and having difficulty reading them. Sorry, but any and all personal stuff has been edited out...

Mum & Dad,
Glad to hear you've touched down ok in Melbourne. I hope you get over the jet-lag soon enough, or at least that you take my advice: Don't let Dappa talk you into watching the Godfather until you have gotten over it.Had my first session of acupuncture today. Slightly strange feeling at first as the doctor put in the needles, but after the initial discomfort (not pain, just feeling a bit weird with needles sticking all over) it turned out to be extremely relaxing. I've been given some (frighteningly expensive) herbal teas to take over the next fortnight. They made no bones about saying that they taste awful, but I'll let you know whether they were exaggerating.

Rehearsals for Nero are going well so far. We're confident that we'll finish the blocking by the end of this week, leaving us with three weeks to work on the quality. My character, Amour, is fantastic: Theatrical to the point of the grotesque. It's going to be a challenge to pull it off the way it needs to be, but that, after all, is half the fun. The rest of the cast are Andy (Nero), Geir (Seneca), Nika (Venus) and a new guy called Marcus (Antony Flavius). Obviously the chemistry between Andy, Geir, Nika and me is great, and I think Marcus will be good as well, once I get to know him a bit.

We've had a bit if a weekend at work. EXCERPT DELETED.

I thinks that's all the news that's fit to print for the time being. Looking forward to seeing Cerys this weekend.Have a great time in Aus, and keep us up to date about what you're doing.
Lots of love,Corinxxx
---
Hello!
Hope everyone's ok down under; haven't heard from either of you for a while, so I just wanted to check you haven't succumbed to the ravages of any of Australia's oh-so deadly terrors.

Things are going alright up here. Rehearsals are going ok. I've got my costume now, and we've started doing full runs with a week and a half to go before opening. I've been doing a lot of stage door shifts which have enabled me to et through various series of dvds. I nearly went to see V for Vendetta (which Mum probably remembers me enthusing about) but read some dire reviews leaving me conflicted: Should I go to see it and risk disappointment or save my £6.50 and risk missing out on a good movie? I needed a sign, and it was supplied when Jonothan Ross came to see the Woman in Black. I asked his opinion and he strongly urged me not to see it. So I haven't.

Sylvester McCoy will be in a show at the Trafalger Studios in May, so I'll be able to see that one for free. Should be good. On a related subject I was browsing through Amazon and looked at Doctor Who - Curse of Fenric. One of the special features I thought would appeal to Dad's sense of humour. It contains a documentary about BBC monster effects called 'Claws and Effect'.

Anyway, do get back to me if you're still alive. I hope you are or these jokes are going to seem rather tasteless with hindsight.
Lots of love,Corinxxx

And that's all the email I had the foresight to keep copies of.
Until next time

Blog the first

2006-03-31T15:11:00.000-08:00

"Would it be more iced tea you're wanting?"
"Yes, please."
"HAR-HA-HA-HAR-HAR-HARGH!"
-the Simpsons.

No idea what's going to follow later, but I suspect it'll be dusturbed...