Lloyds TSB

I've had some disageements with this bank in the past (one of which led to me yelling down the phone at the idiot on the other end) but they've just helped me avert a crisis by transferring funds at 1 o' clock in the morning over the 'phone. So I say, Lloyds TSB is grand!

By the way, if anyone else wants to avert crises for a struggling (but [according to the Camden New Journal] fantastic) actor, cheques can be made payable to Corin Rhys Jones and care or the Fortune Theatre, Russell Street, Covent Garden, WC2.

Seriously...

-You have a woman's purse, my lord!

You remind me of the babe

What babe?
-The babe with the power
What power?
-Power of voodoo
Voodoo?
-You do
Do what?
-Remind me of the babe.

I was watching series three of 24 last night. Surely no viewing should be that compulsive. I'm an intelligent human being (though I often think that might be an contradiction in terms) so I see just how ludicrous it all is, but I jumped out of my seat at least twice already. And I've only seen the first four 'hours'.

There is some really good stuff out there. If only it was on terrestrial. Even quizmania's moved to itv2.

Also, following a conversation with a friend the other night I've got to respond to a few editorials about the threat from the BNP in the upcoming elections. More than one commentator has said, "but, of course, you can't blame the voters, because they do have legitimate concerns and are neglected by mainstream parties."

What bollocks. I've seldom heard such a massive pile of shit.

I've got legitimate concerns. I've been ignored by the government (both as a lobbyist and alongside a million others on the streets of London).

However, despite all that, I haven't thought to myself, 'OK, the answer is to vote for a racist party who'll kick out the foreigners'. People have to take responsibility for their own vote. That's what democracy's about.

And if you vote for the BNP I'll call you racist, just like those people who say, "I've got black friends, but these bloody immigrants..."

To summarise - want a protest vote? Fine. Try the Green Party.

Nero, The Seagull and Crime and Punishment

What do all these have in common? Me! Crazy for a challenge as always, I've agreed to go to Edinburgh with three shows. I will, of course, be knucking fackered but that's ok. I've wanted to play Raskolnikov since reading the book (at the urging of the beautiful Catherine Eyers) and Constantine is another great part. And to think I once dissed Chekhov as boring. This was before I met Victor Sobchak.

And in Nero I get to wear a huge amount of make-up and act like a... Maybe won't go very much further; Mum might read this. Anyone who wishes to find out more can see us at the Lion and Unicorn Theatre, Kentish Town until Sunday, and then at C Venues at the Edinburgh Festival. All Month. Am I crazy?

They may be drinkers, Robin, but they're still human

Pearls of Wisdom from the Batman.

It occurs to me that a man dressed up in a bat-costume (which, by the way has never really looked that bat-like to me) has little room to criticise the coping skills of others.

Having said that, Batman still rules all. I should have been in Batman Begins. I nearly sent my CV off to the casting director, but then they were asking for authentinc American accents only. Mine is excellent, but I wasn't sure at the time. My fault. Ah, well, next time. I'd rather be in Doctor Who anyway.

-Where can we get these placebos?
-Maybe there's some in that truck!

Warning: Rants likely for at least 5 paragraphs

Warning: Rants likely for at least 5 paragraphs

OK, not rants proper just yet, except to say this: WHEN YOU GO TO THE THEATRE, LISTEN TO THE SODDING USHER. tHEY ARFE TELLING YOU THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW, LIKE WHERE YOUR SEAT IS. LISTEN AND THEN YOU WON'T MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF GOING UPSTAIRS WHEN YOU WERE EXPRESSLY TOLD THAT YOUR SEAT, THE BAR AND THE TOILETS ARE ALL DOWNSTAIRS! WHY IS THAT SO BLOODY DIFFICULT?
Feels good to get that off my chest.

Next, here's transcripts of my emails to my parents who are on holiday and having difficulty reading them. Sorry, but any and all personal stuff has been edited out...

Mum & Dad,
Glad to hear you've touched down ok in Melbourne. I hope you get over the jet-lag soon enough, or at least that you take my advice: Don't let Dappa talk you into watching the Godfather until you have gotten over it.Had my first session of acupuncture today. Slightly strange feeling at first as the doctor put in the needles, but after the initial discomfort (not pain, just feeling a bit weird with needles sticking all over) it turned out to be extremely relaxing. I've been given some (frighteningly expensive) herbal teas to take over the next fortnight. They made no bones about saying that they taste awful, but I'll let you know whether they were exaggerating.

Rehearsals for Nero are going well so far. We're confident that we'll finish the blocking by the end of this week, leaving us with three weeks to work on the quality. My character, Amour, is fantastic: Theatrical to the point of the grotesque. It's going to be a challenge to pull it off the way it needs to be, but that, after all, is half the fun. The rest of the cast are Andy (Nero), Geir (Seneca), Nika (Venus) and a new guy called Marcus (Antony Flavius). Obviously the chemistry between Andy, Geir, Nika and me is great, and I think Marcus will be good as well, once I get to know him a bit.

We've had a bit if a weekend at work. EXCERPT DELETED.

I thinks that's all the news that's fit to print for the time being. Looking forward to seeing Cerys this weekend.Have a great time in Aus, and keep us up to date about what you're doing.
Lots of love,Corinxxx
---
Hello!
Hope everyone's ok down under; haven't heard from either of you for a while, so I just wanted to check you haven't succumbed to the ravages of any of Australia's oh-so deadly terrors.

Things are going alright up here. Rehearsals are going ok. I've got my costume now, and we've started doing full runs with a week and a half to go before opening. I've been doing a lot of stage door shifts which have enabled me to et through various series of dvds. I nearly went to see V for Vendetta (which Mum probably remembers me enthusing about) but read some dire reviews leaving me conflicted: Should I go to see it and risk disappointment or save my £6.50 and risk missing out on a good movie? I needed a sign, and it was supplied when Jonothan Ross came to see the Woman in Black. I asked his opinion and he strongly urged me not to see it. So I haven't.

Sylvester McCoy will be in a show at the Trafalger Studios in May, so I'll be able to see that one for free. Should be good. On a related subject I was browsing through Amazon and looked at Doctor Who - Curse of Fenric. One of the special features I thought would appeal to Dad's sense of humour. It contains a documentary about BBC monster effects called 'Claws and Effect'.

Anyway, do get back to me if you're still alive. I hope you are or these jokes are going to seem rather tasteless with hindsight.
Lots of love,Corinxxx

And that's all the email I had the foresight to keep copies of.
Until next time